OH MY GOSH TEAM RYAN. I can completely understand your reservations especially knowing he’s just gotten out of a relationship, but as long as you stick to your standards, everything with him will fall into place. I like his respect. Don’t like Scott.

Ryan is just this amazing, good guy.  I hope things work out.  He’s moving across the country in about a month though.  I just hope.  That’s all I’ve got.  I’ll keep you all updated. :)



July 7th - On Being Used

I would LOVE your opinion on this, especially the Mormon boys.  HELP!


It’s been just over a month since I moved to Utah.  I really like it here so far.  Already, there’s been a lot of ups and downs, but it’s been wonderful here.  

I had been in contact with my ex-boyfriend when I first got here, but he’s done his marvelous disappearing act that he’s so good at, so I’ve done a good job at moving on.  I’m interested in a few different guys in my ward.  One, of course, more so than the others.  It’s so funny how they all have something different to bring to the table.  Some of them are goofy, some of them are funny, some of them I relate to really well, and some of them challenge my comfort zones (in a good way).  

My number one guy that I like, well… hold on.  Let’s start at the beginning.

One of the first guys I met in the ward was the ward clerk, who we’ll refer to as Scott.  So, Scott made an impression on me at first as a fella who looks amazingly adorable in a suit and had the sweetest, nicest handshake, and just had a really kind face.  He’s the ward clerk.  So, to make a long story short, I reached out to Scott to get to know him better.  There was even one day I texted him and told him that I was throwing up at work and he came and picked me up and brought me anti-nausea medicine and ginger ale, and brought me to get some soup.  It was really sweet.

My reservation with Scott is… he reminds me of my ex in certain ways.  In some good ways, but it’s the bad ways that he reminds me of him that bother me.  I hung out with him all night one night, and he was on pain killers because he had a really, really bad sore throat.  So, his inhibitions were down and he was just asking me inappropriate questions and telling me inappropriate things.  I was lying on a big bean bag and he eventually moseyed on over and I didn’t like how he kind of crawled over me and stopped for a moment, hovering over me, looking like he was going to kiss me.  I wasn’t sure how to feel about the way he looked at me, with that look that boys get in their eyes.  I cuddled with him a bit and that was it.  I get along with his sense of humor and his laid back attitude.  

So, then there’s this guy who we’ll call Ryan.  Ryan has a motorcycle.  I didn’t reach out to Ryan, Ryan reached out to me.  A bunch of people in my ward were going to a bonfire and we all meet up to carpool.  Ryan asked me if I wanted to ride on his motorcycle, and I was reluctant at first.  I had never been on a motorcycle.  A little background on Ryan, he’s the Elder’s Quorum President.  He lifts weights - seriously, it’s like a hobby for him.  He’s got these big strong arms and muscles and he’s just like, this awesome manly man.  So, I went on his motorcycle, and it was honestly one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had.  I loved it!  Ryan hung out around me a fair amount at the bonfire.  We talked a fair amount and rode back on the motorcycle.  

To make a long story short, we’ll fast forward to the fourth of July.  I didn’t have anything planned, so I texted and Facebook messaged a bunch of people asking if anyone was doing anything.  Ryan responded saying that, “Sure, we’ll go find a nice place to watch the fireworks.”  I ended up going to his house for a barbecue later that day and played basketball with him later that night.  A bunch of people and us (me with Ryan on his motorcycle) went up to his friend’s house, and we played with the most adorable kids.  There was a little girl who, for some reason, became really attached to me and we had a lot of fun playing together.  It almost seemed like Ryan made sure to wedge himself to sit next to me.  There were a few times during the night that he seemed distant as he looked out over the valley at all of the different fireworks lighting up the dark, as if he were looking at a memory that was a million miles away.  We rode home and he invited me to his apartment to watch a movie, and I said yes.

This might be a good time to mention that Ryan and Scott are roommates.  


I thought, and apparently Ryan also thought, that Scott was out of town for the night with his family.  Well, turned out that wasn’t the case.  We started watching a movie, Emperor’s New Grove (I know, how Mormon of us).  And as we began watching it, we started talking.  I apologized for talking over the movie, but Ryan said he’d rather talk than watch the movie anyway.  So, as we’re talking, Scott walks in with another girl.

Ooooooooh, snap.

Scott seemed pretty surprised to see me there.  Scott and the other girl sit down and talk with us for a bit, and the other girl leaves.  Ryan, meanwhile, lays down on the couch and puts his head in my lap.  At first, I lift my arms and hands up.  I don’t really know what I should do.  ”Are you comfortable with that?” he asks about him laying down.  I say, “Yeah, I’m fine.”  Meanwhile, Scott is texting me while he’s in the room with us, “So, you’ve got a crush on my roommate or something?” and “You know, that girl and I aren’t dating, we did for a while, but we’re just good friends now.”  I didn’t read these texts until later.  It was really sweet though.  Ryan cuddled up closer in my lap, and I just took this as a go ahead and I started rubbing and scratching his back.  

So, Ryan is sleeping in my lap and I start dozing off because it’s late.  Scott notices this, puts in a new movie for Ryan and I to watch as we fall asleep and gently puts a pillow under my head.  I wake up from my sitting-up, sleeping position and smile at him.  He smiles back at me, unsurely.

Scott ended up going to bed, and only after he went to bed was when I finally saw his text messages.  Ryan woke up after a while and invited me to snuggle up next to him, always asking, “Are you comfortable with that?”  I love and admire that so much.  As his arm was around me and I was firmly nestled on his chest, we had a great conversation about relationships and the gospel.  He ended up laying back down on the couch, I asked him if it was okay if I laid down next to him and he said, “Yeah, as long as you’re comfortable with it.”  I started to fall asleep and I ended up turning around and nuzzled myself into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.  I just felt completely safe and enveloped by him and it was a wonderful feeling.  We fell asleep like that with our legs intertwined.  I simply describe it to myself as hardcore cuddling.  We didn’t kiss.  We didn’t do anything inappropriate at all.  When his alarm went off at 5am, he kit the snooze button three times and each time he would pull me in and cuddle me closer and wrap me up tighter.

He didn’t want to get off of the couch and I didn’t either, but I tried to be a good influence and encouraged him to get up and get to his service project.  He hugged me and we went separate ways.

He ended up Facebook messaging me much of the next day, asking me things like, “What are you doing tonight?”.  It made me excited that he wanted to see me.  I ended up going over his apartment and we played some games and I felt like Ryan wanted to hang out with just me (though I could have been imagining it, I suppose), but there was one guy who was just sticking around for a long time.  Ryan ended up getting a phone call for one of his friends a bit of a ways away for a blessing, so he had to leave right away, which I totally respect.  Outside of his front door, he apologized for ‘the sudden dispersement,’ and gave me a hug and told me to stay dry (we had crazy weather that day in Utah).  

I went home and had a little pity party for myself.  I just felt kind of used for my cuddles.  My last relationship was all about my ex using me (in a much different way, of course, but still) and the thought of being used again, by Ryan, completely devastated me.  I know he just got out of a long term relationship.  Perhaps he just felt lonely that night and needed a cuddle buddy.  In honesty, that’s fine, but he should have communicated that with me before hand.  I know he’s moving far away in a month, but that’s not a deal breaker for me either.  I have family close by to where he’s moving and, this is of course assuming he’s interested in me, I’d totally be willing to try a long distance thing.

I’m just trying to pray about it right now, but, gosh, I really like Ryan guys.

I would love opinions and input.



Please help me with my insecurities …

So, my mom doesn’t get it.

My guy and I … it’s true we have quite the age difference.

I’m twenty-six (I’m very young at heart and I don’t look like I’m older than twenty-two at the oldest), while my guy is twenty (he’s a lot more mature than most boys his age through a lot of life experiences).

My mom doesn’t understand.

She asked me what attracted me to him.

I told her the first time he came to YSA FHE.  How I thought he was cute.  How much of a considerate guy he is.  How he’s always smiling.

She think it’s because I’m so wrapped up in the LDS church, and that’s why I’m dating him.  Because he’s mormon.

I told her that, since I’ve been single, I’ve had a good number of guys ask me out who are part of the church and aren’t part of the church.  For the guys who asked me out who are part of the church, I just was not interested in them.  So, I’m not just dating him because he’s mormon.  If that was my intent, I would have dated the two other LDS boys who asked me out prior to Chris asking me out.

She actually seemed somewhat satisfied with this answer.

Then she began telling me about the differences between twenty year-olds and twenty-six year-olds.  How he’s not calling me because “he’s probably actually spending time with girls that are actually his age.”  How he needs to “sow his wild oats.”

I’ve been texting him and he’s been texting me when he can, but I haven’t talked to him on the phone in two days and I’m most likely not going to be able to talk to him tomorrow either.

Can you guys just please give me words of encouragement?  I wasn’t too worried before, but my mom has planted this destructive notion in my head that I’m too old for him and/or he’s too young for me, even though we both don’t feel that way about each other.

I guess it’s the lack of time that he has available to contact me which is fueling this fire.

Please, someone, help dowse this rampage of insecurity that’s been started in this fragile, ‘homesick-for-him’ heart of mine.  Any words of wisdom?


This is a Story About Mini-golf, Chili’s, and Not Bowling 1/5/13…

(When I started this blog, I promised myself I would write full disclosure style, like a journal, which is one of the reasons why this blog might always be anonymous.  After the cut, towards the end of this post, I write it like it is.  Like it happened.  You’ve been warned.)

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Anonymous said: Can you tell us more about your guy? And maybe show us a pic? Your story is super cute!

I can totally tell you more about him!  I won’t reveal his name just yet, as we aren’t ‘boyfriend and girlfriend,’ if that makes any sense.  I don’t have a picture of the both of us together yet, but when I do, I’ll be sure to post! :)

So, my guy.  He moved to my state (which will not be named lol) from Utah at the end of the summer to help his dad with work.  Back in Utah, he was a competitive ballroom dancer (even before he knew I liked him I started taking dance lessons so that maybe-hopefully-possibly-one day I could dance with him, since I know he loves it so much). One of the things I love about him is that he’s pretty dorky.  I LOVE dorky guys, they’re just way more endearing and way more interesting.  I think he’s adorable in every way. He’s about six feet tall, which is pretty awesome.  I’m only 5’2”.

Probably one of the most interesting things about the two of us is our age difference.  He’s twenty (a very mature twenty, mind you), and I’m … twenty-six.  I know!  It seems like it would be kind of weird right?  It’s so strange that it’s not at all.  I’ve always acted young for my age, and everyone says I look like I’m twenty-two at the most.  I couldn’t tell you why, but in our case, this age difference just isn’t an issue.

I really like him, and from what I can tell, he really likes me.  And I’m just really happy.  I’ll continue chronicling our adventures for you! :)



Any LDS boys out there …

Please message me …

I need boy advice …

Oh please please please …

I’ll be forever grateful!

Only budgeting homework from BYU-I would actually have a pre-designated spot for how much money you spend weekly on dates …. Notice mine is ZERO!  #mormonproblems

Only budgeting homework from BYU-I would actually have a pre-designated spot for how much money you spend weekly on dates …. Notice mine is ZERO!  #mormonproblems

Starting to believe this more and more everyday.

Starting to believe this more and more everyday.

(Source: purple-destruction, via sultrysugarbabe)

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